I guess the Tortoises were so slow and lethargic that after finally showing up in fantasy football last week, they weren’t able to make it back to play some baseball for the final week of the season. They batted .214 over the last week, their final 299 ABs, and excluding 1 good day during that week, they batted .171 in 251 of their last ABs. The last 2 days are what really hurt. .122 over 98 ABs and the last day? A disgusting .098 over 51 ABs. A month ago the Tortoises were getting 9 or 10 points from AVG. Today? 3.5. That’ll do it. So the Galapagos Tortoises, the most powerful and awesome beasts in all of the land, only managed 2nd place in the 2008 fantasy baseball season.

It certainly may seem like it but what I’m about to say actually wasn’t brought on by the last week’s events… I am stepping away from Fantasy Baseball. I don’t know yet if it’s permanent or if it’s just for the 2009 season but I’ve thought long and hard over this for probably the last 3 years and finally came to a decision about a month ago. I said whether I won or lost the league this year that I was stepping away from the game. The fantasy baseball season is way too long and maddening that it just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. Fantasy baseball has turned baseball into one giant stat for me and I’d rather focus on the game, not just the numbers. 6 years of fantasy baseball. 3 gold trophies and 2 silver trophies. Not too shabby. I’ll look back at them fondly while I think about how much longer I’ll live not worrying about my damn lineup every single day and how I’m doing in every stat category. In the words of the great Willy Wonka, “Adieu, adieu, parting is such sweet sorrow.”

What I’m listening to: Silence

The days of the CD may be numbered as Slot Music, Micro SD cards containing full albums, will hit the shelves just in time for the holiday shopping season. I can’t wait to open up that Micro SD case and start reading through those tiny liner notes and lyrics with a microscope.

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This article should be called “Hilarious reasons why I don’t bother joining a gym”.

“I’d rather just shoot around anyway,” I tell myself, which is sort of like saying you’d rather go to the driving range than play golf, or that you’d rather have sex with yourself than have sex with yourself twice in a row. When the game finally ends, I wait patiently for one of my fellow ballers to invite me to join the game. They rarely do.

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“There are some songs that almost no one likes to play,” blah, blah, blah, “but you can limit the songs you don’t like from Rock Band 1″, blah, blah, blah,” and you’ll never have to deal with “Green Grass and High Tides” again. Bliss.” Yeah, that about sums up this article.

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Good, uplifting article on last night’s disappointing Eagles loss written by Stephen A. Smith. Despite loss, Eagles show they are a force in the NFC East. I like the article because it’s mostly everything I’ve been saying since watching that game. I still don’t understand why I don’t work for ESPN.

I’m currently watching: House

Yet another hilarious LHC joke.

I’m currently watching: NFL Football: Chicago Bears at Carolina Panthers

Forget about the Pop/Soda debate… it should obviously be soda. However, the real question is why on Earth would you say you want a Coke when you want a Sprite or a Dr. Pepper or any of the other 99% of “carbonated beverages” that are not in fact Coke. That is the most stupid thing I’ve ever heard. I lose more respect for the south every day.

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http://youtube.com/v/zAFCSr8-B2k

This is harder to get through than Date Movie.

I’m currently watching: TMZ

Oh, by the way, according to Louis C.K.’s website, and I quote, “SO, if you go buy the DVD of Shameless… Then watch Chewed UP on Showtime on October 4th… Then come to see me on the Hilarious Tour… You will see 3 completely different hours of material, generated over the last three years.

I’m currently watching: TMZ

John Stewart is hilarious. I don’t know why I don’t watch the Daily Show anymore.

What I’m listening to: Silence